Most of us think we know what we want. But do we really? If you think about it, there is so much available to us that we haven’t even considered – things that exist beyond our awareness, so how do we know if we want them or not?
Take the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Lost, hungry and tired, Goldilocks came upon a cabin in the woods. Seeking shelter and sustenance, she let herself in and spied three bowls of porridge sitting on a dining table. Famished, she began eating from one bowl and quickly discovered the porridge was way too hot. That didn’t stop her from trying to quench her hunger. She simply ate from the next bowl and found the porridge to be too cold. Determined, she tried the last bowl of porridge, and to her delight, it was just right, so she gobbled it up and her hunger was finally satisfied.
How would Goldilocks have known that the third bowl of porridge was perfect for her if she didn’t experience the first two? She wouldn’t have.
Contrast Creates Clarity
Let’s apply this to real life. Where in your life have you thought that you wanted to experience a particular thing or person? Let’s pretend you met someone who ignited your passion – someone who really flipped you switch and inspired deep feelings of love and lust within your body and spirit – only to soon discover that this was not the person you thought it was. With a little time and energy invested, you discovered a few things that perhaps violated your sensibilities, value system and even your integrity. Has that ever happened to you?
What did you do? Did you make like Goldilocks, put down your spoon and try a different bowl of porridge or did you try to turn that bowl of porridge into a five star meal?
Well, if you’re anything like the rest of humanity, I can make an educated guess. Our human spirit is tenacious and we love to win, so most of us will forgo the other more suitable bowls of porridge and focus our attention on the one that is too hot or settle for the one that is too cold. We will devise an agenda, obsess over details and then be horribly heartbroken and confused when the relationship goes south.
We did after all attract that person, right? So they must be a soul mate, right?
Yes, we did attract them. We put out an energetic vibration that said, “I’m hungry,” but we didn’t necessary say what we were hungry for. Remember, we live in a responsive Universe that is always yielding to us.
I love the verse in the book of Proverbs that reads, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” What I believe this to mean is that if we don’t know what we want, if we don’t have a clear idea about our desires, we will attract by default. In other words, we have to stand for something or we’ll fall for anything. At that rate, we will be cursed to kiss many frogs to discover our preferred taste in partners. Being mindful matters!
However, with each kissed frog, we are refining our vision about our preferences whether we are mindfully aware or not. With every contrasting kiss, we are birthing a new desire, which ultimately leads us to our new, favorite flavor. Yay, kind Universe!
Are these people our soul mates? By my definition, yes. To me a soul mate is someone who comes into our lives to show us how to love better, including learning how to love ourselves better. Mission accomplished. Thank you. Now leave.
The Goldilocks Effect
My point is this: Goldilocks knew that if she kept testing the merchandise, she would find her perfect fit, her favorite flavor, her “just right.” Her unwavering faith that something better was out there fueled her confidence and her curiosity. She not only was blessed with the perfect bowl of porridge, but a mighty fine chair to rest in and a comfy bed to sleep in.
Her larger contrasting moment came when she realized these things didn’t belong to her and was forced by the three bears to leave their cabin. In my mind the rest of the story would go like this: She finds her way home, gives thanks for the food and rest and then goes back to the drawing board with her newly refined vision that would not be possible without her lost-in-the-woods experience, and puts in her new order to the Universe, “I’ll take the perfect home on a clearly marked street, healthy food, and comfortable furnishings and own them!”
The next time you experience a contrasting moment, instead of berating yourself or trying to make it into something that it is not, recognize the gift of information that is there for you. Now you have more data, more knowledge about who you are, what you stand for and what you prefer. Now you can reset your dream and intention. Now you are sitting in a more refined place of attraction. Imagine, fantasize, pray, and now that will come into your experience. Wash, rinse, repeat in every area of your life!
We have a tendency to create unnecessary suffering when it comes to this process, as if we are limited in our options and that we must make things work as they are now. However, we are not limited, nor are we obligated to any one pathway. We are unlimited beings living in a truly abundant Universe. Lighten up and do your best Goldilocks impersonation. Keep your spoons handy and continue seeking your ideal bowls of porridge. They are waiting for you to experience all they have to offer!